Buy Follow the Red Ribbon – I Love You! by Miffy Lizanne and Yasmin Akbay on Amazon. If you purchase through this Amazon link, a small commission will go to support the charity—at no extra cost to you.

An illustrated book to help and support children with grief.

Follow the Red Ribbon – I Love You! is a gentle story about a little girl and her mother whose love stretches beyond time, distance, and even goodbye. When the girl wonders what happens when someone she loves is no longer here, her mother reveals a magical truth: a bright red ribbon connects their hearts forever.

This beautifully illustrated book offers comfort, hope, and a tender way to talk with children about loss, reminding them that real love never ends.

Overview: Like with many other days in the calendar, Mother’s Day can be very hard when we are grieving and an occasion which can trigger pain even many years after a death. Here are some things to consider for coping when a parent died.

Mother’s Day can be hard when we are grieving, particularly if we have lost our mother, or grandmother – or the mother of our children. It may feel wrong to celebrate, or to ignore the day. Remember: there is no right or wrong way to get yourself through such an occasion. 

The lead up to the day when a parent died, or when we recognise their impact on our lives, such as Mother’s Day, may trigger painful emotions and memories; greetings cards marking the day or promotions in shops and restaurants are unavoidable in the weeks prior. A grieving person can feel mixed emotions from anticipation, even excitement to guilt and sadness simultaneously – and that can take a toll on our mental wellbeing. 

Acknowledge and Allow This Impact on You

On any special date it is only natural to face mixed emotions. The key is to allow yourself to express these feelings and do whatever is right for you. 

Remember that there are most likely others around you who are grieving the same person or have their own bereavements. It may be helpful to communicate with those close to you about the upcoming day, perhaps to negotiate how you may handle the occasion together. This reduces the risk of feeling isolated in your grief. 

Focus On the Good Times

It’s natural following the death of a loved one, for the period leading up to the death to dominate our thoughts.  This can especially be the case if there was a long phase of illness. A useful way to get through days like this is to try to focus our minds on our happiest memories with the person we have lost and to make a point of talking with others about how special they were.

Ignore the Day Completely

When a parent died, especially a mother, it can be difficult to process our feelings. There is nothing wrong with detaching yourself from the day. Trying to plan how or what we should do with the day can feel burdensome when we are grieving. If the thought of the day is causing too much stress, why not let yourself do something different with it? 

Spend the time doing what makes you happy, whether that's meeting friends at the pub, taking yourself on a long walk or simply having a sofa day. Remember, you are not grieving ‘wrongly’ by choosing not to mark every occasion. 

Wear a Remembering Someone Badge

Mother’s Day is an ideal day to wear an AtaLoss ‘Remembering Someone’ badge to communicate that you are feeling fragile at this time and to spark off conversations about the person who has died.  It can be a good way to break a silence that may have emerged about the person and to ask others to recall memories for treasuring together.  See: Our Remembering Someone Badges.

Create an Online Memorial

You may wish to create a communal space of remembrance for you and your loved ones to collectively remember and honour the life of the person who has died. 

We have a page specially for this on our website.  Messages and photographs can be shared, and you can even create events or start fundraising in their memory. 

Take a look at our memorial pages.

Get Support 

If you’re struggling with Mother’s Day, don’t be afraid to seek help. On this website you can find the full range of bereavement support services from across the UK, plus a growing bank of resources and information to help you with your loss, whether the death was recent or long ago.

Above all, put yourself and your own needs first at this time.  There are undoubtedly others who will need your support in due course, and to be in a good place for them for then you need to invest in yourself now.  

Yvonne Tulloch

Yvonne is CEO of AtaLoss and leader of AtaLoss’ nationally acclaimed The Bereavement Journey® programme, helping bereaved people to process their loss.   

For more information go to: www.thebereavementjourney.org

See the 400+ UK locations here: www.thebereavementjourney.org/locations

Latest Articles

Overview: This Free Wills Month, learn how writing a Will can ensure your wishes are honoured and provide peace of mind for you and your loved ones.

Writing a Will?

It may be one of the most important documents you ever create — it won’t make a family, but it can break one.

Our Free Will Service with Octopus Legacy offers a trusted, simple way to write your Will - ensuring you care for your family and friends practically and emotionally as well as financially - while also helping thousands of others.

Start your Free Will here

Why is it important to make a will?

Making a will can provide peace of mind for you and your loved ones. It simplifies decisions for those left behind and ensures your property, savings, and belongings are distributed according to your wishes.

Your funeral preferences can also be clearly recorded, easing the responsibility on your family.

Reasons Why Writing a Will Is Important

1. Make It Easier on Friends and Family

Losing a family member is painful and stressful. A Will makes it much easier for your family and friends to take care of your estate. 

2. Make Sure Your Wishes Are Known

With an up-to-date Will, you can have peace of mind that what matters to you is communicated for carrying out when you’re gone.  It’s the only way to make sure your wishes are followed in the way you intend.  However, remember that circumstances change over time, and for reasons which may not be apparent now it may not be possible for your family members to do so.  This may cause regret and further pain, so be sure to say it’s just your preference, rather than necessary, wherever you can.

3. Give Your Assets to the People and Causes That Matter to You

Without writing a Will expressing your wishes, your whole estate could end up belonging to the Crown or government. Writing a Will ensures it goes to the people and causes you care about

4. Protect the Rights of Your Partner

If you and your partner aren’t married or in a civil partnership, you don’t have the same automatic rights as those who are married. You can make sure your partner is looked after by naming them in your Will.

5. Help to Minimise Inheritance Tax

If you’re writing a Will, it can help reduce the amount of inheritance tax that needs to be paid on your estate. Click here to see how a legacy can help reduce your liability.

6. Ensure Your Family Are Supported When You’re Gone

If you include a donation to AtaLoss in your Will it will enable us to support your loved ones after you’ve died.   It’s a ‘win win’; you leave a legacy to us – potentially reducing inheritance tax – and in return we help your family.    We hope that more and more people will see the value of leaving a legacy to AtaLoss in writing their Will.  

You can also make a donation to AtaLoss before you die to reduce your tax bill and inheritance liabilities. That way you will see the benefit of your generosity.  

Latest Articles

Overview: For a lot of people Valentine’s Day is a time to celebrate love, romance and togetherness. But if you’ve lost a partner, the day can bring a renewed sense of grief and loneliness. This article explores coping with grief on Valentine’s Day.

For a lot of people Valentine’s Day is a time to celebrate love, romance and togetherness. But if you’ve lost a partner, the day can bring a renewed sense of grief and loneliness. It’s not uncommon to find yourself dreading the approach of February 14th and the reminders it brings of what once was. At AtaLoss, we understand how deeply painful and isolating this experience can be. We hope these thoughts offer some comfort and practical guidance as you are coping with grief.

1. Recognise Your Emotions

Grief can manifest in many ways - sadness, anger, guilt, or even relief (for instance, if your partner had been suffering). Around Valentine’s Day, these feelings might intensify. It’s okay to feel conflicting emotions. Acknowledge them, rather than trying to suppress or deny them. Allow yourself space to mourn, while also giving yourself permission to rest from grief when you need to.

Tip: Journaling can help you process and validate your feelings. Even if you only manage a few lines, putting emotions into words can be cathartic.

2. Consider a New Ritual

The loss of your partner doesn’t mean that love itself disappears. Some people find solace in creating a personal ritual to honour their loved one’s memory on Valentine’s Day. Lighting a candle, writing a letter, or simply spending time in a place that was significant to both of you can be an act of remembrance.

• Write a Letter: Express the love, hopes, and memories that remain close to your heart. You can keep this letter private or share it with someone you trust.

• Memory Box: Place photos, mementos, or written anecdotes that capture special memories into a box you can revisit.

• Create a Memorial: Plant a flower or a small tree in your garden or pot. Watching it grow can bring comfort and a sense of continued connection.

3. Tell Others you are grieving

Even years down the line Valentine’s Day can feel painful and others may expect you to have ‘moved on’.  You could wear the AtaLoss Remembering Someone badge or simply tell people you are feeling low at this time and why.  If others are aware they can help you while you’re coping with grief.

4. Give Yourself Permission to Say “No”

Friends and family might invite you to gatherings or encourage you to “get out of the house” on Valentine’s Day. While these offers often come from a place of love, it’s okay to say “no” if you’re not ready for certain social situations. Your emotional well-being comes first, and you have the right to protect yourself from events that might be too painful right now.

Tip: If you do choose to socialise, plan an “exit strategy.” Give yourself a way out if you begin to feel overwhelmed, and communicate this ahead of time so you can leave without feeling guilty.

5. Reach Out for Support

You do not have to face this day, or any day, alone. If you feel overwhelmed, reach out to a trusted friend, relative, or mental health professional.

• Call a Friend: Even a short conversation can break through the isolation.

• Join a Support Group: Sharing with others who have experienced a similar loss can be comforting. There are many groups that provide a safe space to express feelings and learn coping strategies.

• Professional Counselling: Speaking with a bereavement counsellor or therapist can help you navigate complex emotions and develop helpful coping tools.

At AtaLoss, we recognise that each person’s experience of bereavement is unique, and there is no “right” or “wrong” way to grieve. If you need more tailored support or just someone to talk to, please explore our bereavement support page to find local and national support services that suit your situation.

6. Practise Self-Kindness

Valentine’s Day is a good day to remember how important it is to love ourselves. Grief can be exhausting, so engage in self-care practices that feel meaningful and healing.

• Mindful Breaks: Take time during the day to pause, breathe, and centre yourself.

• Physical Activity: Even a short walk can help reduce stress and improve your mood.

• Creative Outlets: Writing, painting, or playing an instrument can offer an emotional release.

• Rest and Sleep: Grief can disrupt sleep patterns, so try to establish a calming bedtime routine to support rest.

7. Honour Your Unique Path

Everyone’s grief journey is different. Try not to compare your path to anyone else’s or feel pressured to “move on.” Healing from bereavement is a process; some days may feel lighter than others and that’s okay. Valentine’s Day may always carry a tinge of sorrow, but it can also evolve into a day where you quietly honour the love you shared.

8. Look Ahead with Hope

When you’re grieving, the idea of looking to the future can feel painful or disloyal. Yet, it’s important to allow hope into your life. Over time, many people who grieve find new sources of meaning, whether through new friendships, community involvement, or personal projects. This doesn’t diminish the love you still hold for your partner, rather it’s an affirmation of them, as they would want you to be happy.

Final Thoughts

Valentine’s Day can highlight the absence in your life when you’ve lost someone you loved. It’s natural to feel lost, sad, or even numb as the day approaches. Remember that you’re not alone in your sorrow. Reach out, share how you feel, and consider letting others support you in practical ways, whether that’s running errands or simply sitting silently with you. Remember, you are still loved. es here

Latest Articles

Overview: New Year can intensify grief, marking time moving on without someone who has died. Acknowledging feelings, avoiding pressure and seeking support may help.

Coping with New Year when someone has died

After the challenge of Christmas after someone has died, many can be surprised by how hard the New Year can feel.  One year finishing, with another one starting, and the celebration parties, are not always a straightforward prospect:

• We usually remember the date that someone special died and the year will forever be associated with them.  If the death has been this year, we may want to hang on to the year.

• When asked when the person died, we can simply say in January, June, or October, meaning this year, and they and the date feel close.  But from 1st January, we have to say last year, which hints at leaving them behind.  

• A New Year can feel big and daunting, with challenges and difficulties to face.

• People around us are partying, and celebrating the future, which for us can feel hopeless and bleak.

What can we do?  Here are some brief thoughts which might help:

• Acknowledge your feelings and tell others.  Sharing how we feel can surprisingly ease our sadness, as well as enable others to support.

• Don’t be pressured into partying.  Focus on doing whatever feels right for you.  Taking time to reflect and remember could prove to be special alongside the pain.

• Think of ways of marking the person as the clock strikes midnight, to ‘bring them with you’ into the new year.

• Realise that 1st January is just a change of date. You coped today so you can cope tomorrow.

• Make a New Year’s resolution to find support and help with your grief, so that 2026 really does turn out better.  Your loved one would want you to.

Find support services here or a The Bereavement Journey® group starting January

All in all, remember that you’re worth every bit of investment in you….

Latest Articles

Overview: Christmas is a difficult time for those grieving. This is the season of traditions and family gatherings and a by-product is that it highlights the ‘missing-person-shaped’ hole in our lives.

Christmas is fast approaching, and this time can be especially tough when we’re grieving. This is the season of traditions and family gatherings and a by-product is that it highlights the ‘missing-person-shaped’ hole in our lives. Rather than be something to look forward to, for grieving people Christmas can be feared.

Here’s our advice to help you navigate this difficult period:

• Acknowledge your feelings. It’s important to accept that it’s okay to feel sad, angry, lonely or fearful. It’s normal to experience a range of emotions in grief.

• Plan ahead. Decide in advance how you want to spend the time. Whether it’s attending family gatherings or opting for a quiet day at home, having a plan can reduce anxiety.

• Don’t feel pressured. Grief is individual. Focus on doing whatever feels right for you.

• Build in flexibility. Grief is unpredictable, so if you get an invitation to join others, consider saying something like: “I would love to come but it may not feel so easy when it comes to it. Could I let you know on the day?” Or “I’d like to come but I may need a bit of time on my own at some point, is that okay?”

• Create new traditions. If old traditions are too painful, consider creating new ones that might be more manageable. This could be something as simple as a new Christmas Eve routine or a different way of decorating your home.

• Remember your loved one. Find ways to include the memory of the person in your celebrations. This could be through lighting a candle, sharing stories, or you may choose to go to the memorial or grave.

• Do something in their honour. Engage in activities that they enjoyed or supported. This could be visiting their favourite place, cooking their favourite meal, or donating to a charity. Perhaps AtaLoss? Donate to us here.

• Talk about the person. If you’re with other people, dare to mention the person's name. You could say how much they would have loved the occasion, recall a memory, or toast them before a meal.

• Take care of yourself. Prioritise your physical and mental health. Ensure you’re eating well, getting enough sleep, and engaging in activities that could help you relax.

• Express your feelings. Find a way to express your emotions whether through doing something energetic, writing, or art. You could write a letter to the person, telling them how you feel. Getting your deepest feelings down on paper can release tension and if you’re planning to visit a grave or memorial you could take it to read there.

• Limit alcohol. While it might be tempting to use alcohol to numb your feelings, it can often make matters worse. Try to limit your intake and find healthier ways to cope.

• Reach out for support. Don’t hesitate to lean on family and friends, and take a look at the help available on AtaLoss.org. Visit our bereavement services page to find bereavement support that’s right for you and helplines here.

• Allow yourself moments of joy. It’s okay to laugh and enjoy the festivities even while you’re grieving. Don’t feel guilty about that.

• Consider helping others. If you don’t feel like celebrating in your usual way, volunteering is a great option. Many charities, faith groups, etc offer Christmas meals for those in need, and welcome help. Attending to others can be a useful distraction, and surprisingly enjoyable. You can donate to AtaLoss here.

Finally, remember, there’s no right or wrong way to grieve. While you’re grieving be gentle with yourself and take each day as it comes. There may be some tears, but that is natural and understandable. You can get through this. The good news is for most people Christmas turns out to be not as bad as they fear.

Latest Articles

The Art of Dying – Living Fully into the Life to Come by Rob Moll on Amazon. If you purchase through this Amazon link, a small commission will go to support the charity—at no extra cost to you.

Rob Moll recovers the deeply Christian practice of dying well. For centuries Christians have prepared for the "good death" with particular rituals and spiritual disciplines that have directed the actions of both the living and the dying. In this well-researched and pastorally sensitive book, Moll provides insight into death and dying issues with in-person reporting and interviews with hospice workers, doctors, nurses, bioethicists, family members and spiritual caregivers. He weighs in on bioethical and medical issues and gives guidance for those who care for the dying as well as for those who grieve.

Buy Hope Comes to Stay: A Gentle Story about Grief, Loss, and the Love That Lasts by Clarissa Moll on Amazon. If you purchase through this Amazon link, a small commission will go to support the charity—at no extra cost to you.

This poignant picture book helps children (ages 4 to 8) understand the complexities of grief, death, and dying in an honest, hopeful way.

Buy Hurt Help Hope: A Real Conversation about Teen Grief and Life after Loss by Fiona and Clarissa Moll on Amazon. If you purchase through this Amazon link, a small commission will go to support the charity—at no extra cost to you.

After the death of a loved one, anyone can be caught up in a whirlwind of emotions and unanswered questions. Hurt Help Hope divides lists of relatable questions into five categories covering topics like the logistics of funerals, how your body copes with grief, how it affects your faith in God, how to manage feelings, and more!

Nourishing Through Loss: A Gentle Holiday Guide by Sabine Horner on Amazon. If you purchase through this Amazon link, a small commission will go to support the charity—at no extra cost to you.

A true Christmas Survival Guide for anyone navigating grief during the festive season.

Packed with 50+ simple recipes and practical strategies, this book takes the stress out of meal planning while supporting appetite, digestion, energy, and emotional well-being.

Discover how to create ‘eating anchors’, set healthy boundaries at social gatherings, manage disrupted routines, and care for yourself through the emotional and physical challenges of the holidays.

Even one nourishing meal or mindful moment can make a noticeable difference to how we cope with grief — at Christmas and beyond.

When Grief Takes Everything: A Survival Guide to Devastating Loss by Vanessa May on Amazon. If you purchase through this Amazon link, a small commission will go to support the charity—at no extra cost to you.

Two years after losing her beloved son, Vanessa May lost her husband and father in the same three-week period during the Covid pandemic. In this book, she charts her quest to make sense of what has happened to her, as well as sharing the stories of six other inspirational women who have experienced loss. Finally, she offers guidance, tools and resources drawn from her experience as a holistic grief coach and educator.

When Grief Takes Everything is a book for anyone who has experienced great loss: the mother who buried her child, the widow who lost her future, and all those others who find themselves unwillingly walking the path of grief.

Buy Beyond the Darkness by Clarissa Moll on Amazon. If you purchase through this Amazon link, a small commission will go to support the charity—at no extra cost to you.

The Bible says that "God is near to the brokenhearted," but what does that look like when you're lost in the darkness of agonizing grief? How do you engage with your sorrow when the world tells you to shoulder through or move on?

Award-winning writer and podcaster Clarissa Moll knows this landscape of loss all too well. Her life changed forever in 2019 when her husband, Rob, died unexpectedly while hiking--leaving her with four children to raise alone. In her debut book, Beyond the Darkness, Clarissa offers her powerful personal narrative as well as honest, practical wisdom that will gently guide you toward flourishing amidst your own loss.

In the pages of Beyond the Darkness, you'll learn how to

• meet and engage with loss in your everyday life,

• uncover the lies the world has told you about your grief, and

• point your feet toward hope and find a way to navigate your new life with loss and God beside you.

Whether you've lost someone dear to you or you're supporting a loved one as they mourn, you can learn to walk with grief. And as you do, you might be surprised to discover the path is wide enough for another companion, the Good Shepherd of your soul. Grief may walk with us for the rest of our lives, but Jesus will too.

Overview: BBC Traitors star Lisa Coupland shares three simple ways to help someone who is grieving following a bereavement. Learn how small gestures can make a big difference. 

Contact, Listen and Treat - Don’t be afraid to reach out to someone who is grieving 

BBC Traitors star Revd Lisa Coupland shares our advice for how to support friends, family, and colleagues who are living with bereavement: Contact, Listen and Treat. 

Grief can be isolating, especially when people hesitate to reach out for fear of saying the wrong thing. We encourage you to do the opposite – to make contact, to listen without trying to fix, and to treat people with special care and kindness. A card, phone call, practical help with everyday tasks, or simply being present can make a significant difference. What matters most is showing up and continuing to show up, long after the first weeks of support have passed.  

Certain times of the year can be particularly painful for those who have lost someone important. Anniversaries such as birthdays, significant dates, or periods of celebration -especially during the December festive season - can heighten feelings of absence and grief. While everyone’s experience of bereavement is different, these moments often serve as difficult reminders of what has changed, making gentle, thoughtful support even more important. 

As well as personal support, it can be helpful to signpost those who are grieving to specialist services, including practical information and local support available through ataloss.org, which helps connect bereaved people with organisations suited to their needs. 

The film reminds us that we don’t need perfect words - just compassion and consistency. By choosing to contact, listen and treat, we help ensure that no one has to face grief without support, not just in the immediate aftermath of a death but through the longer journey of learning to live with the loss.  

Lisa is an AtaLoss Ambassador. You can read more about her background and what inspired her to get involved on her AtaLoss Ambassador profile page. 

Latest Articles

Overview: This season of remembrance, we honour those who gave their lives and the families who live with their loss - sharing reflections from bereaved mother Naomi Whittaker-Smith and Padre Mark Perry.

Remembrance: Honouring the Fallen and Supporting those Bereaved

In this season of remembrance, our nation pauses to honour those who gave their lives in service to others. Yet for many, remembrance is not confined to one day or even one season. For those who have lost someone they love in the Armed Forces, remembrance is part of every day that follows.

We draw on the experiences of Naomi Whittaker-Smith, a bereaved mother whose son, Private Joe Whittaker, died in active service in Afghanistan and our Ambassador and Subject Matter Expert on Forces Bereavement Padre Mark Perry. Together, their reflections remind us that remembrance is about honouring both the fallen and those who continue to live with their loss.

Remembering and Living with Loss

Naomi writes ‘To lose a child is the most dreadful experience imaginable, for anyone, in any circumstances.

When you lose a son or daughter in the Armed Forces there are some things that may affect bereavement slightly differently.

When my son was killed on active service there was no opportunity to travel to a war zone to see for myself the place where he died. This can be helpful to process the loss. Also, I wasn’t expecting him home so there was disbelief that what I was told was true. I kept thinking it’s all a mistake and my son would come home.

For a parent of a young soldier there is immense pride, and respect for their willingness to serve their country. My son had clear reasons for doing as he did and had a promising career ahead of him as an officer in the British Army. But when he was killed in action at 20 years old there remains a regret that his choices led him to a dangerous place. Grief and loss is compounded when you reflect on how things could have been different had he chosen a different career.

Also, when you lose a family member in sudden traumatic circumstances, such as on active service, there can be a deep seated fear of something dreadful happening to other loved ones, particularly if you have other sons/daughters on deployments as I have. This is something I constantly experience as a result of bereavement.

On a more positive note, my son belonged to another family beyond my own. His regiment have embraced us, included us and cared for us. The support and love we have received from our regimental family over the years has been outstanding and I know that my son will not be forgotten.’

The Complex Emotions of Military Grief

Padre Mark Perry agrees that for parents, spouses and children of service personnel, grief often carries layers of complexity.

Mark reflects ‘Every year, as the nation gathers to honour those who gave their lives in service, our thoughts also turn to the families who live daily with their loss. For them, remembrance is not confined to one period of the year, it’s a thread woven through every day that follows.

Bereavement in the Armed Forces community brings a unique set of challenges. Having served both within and alongside military families, I’ve seen their remarkable resilience and the hidden struggles that can follow the death of a loved one in service.

We know that no two grief journeys are the same, yet those bereaved through military service often face complex layers of pain and adjustment. Finding the right military bereavement support from people who truly understand can make a lasting difference.’

Where to Find Help and Hope

If you or someone you know has been bereaved through military service, there are many organisations ready to help, some of which are listed below:

• AtaLoss.org – This national signposting website connecting people to over 2,000 bereavement services, including dedicated Armed Forces grief support.

• The Bereavement Journey® – A structured, peer led course (run locally and online) helping people make sense of loss and rebuild their lives.

• SSAFA Bereavement Support Groups – Peer support for families and partners of those who have died while serving.

• Scotty’s Little Soldiers – Supporting children and young people who have lost a parent serving in the British Armed Forces.

• RAF Widows' Association – Provides emotional and financial advice for spouses and partners of deceased RAF personnel.

• Chaplaincy Services – Providing spiritual care and pastoral support to military personnel and their families, whatever their faith or beliefs.

A Final Word

As a nation, we rightly honour those who gave their lives for others. But true remembrance also means walking alongside those who grieve — listening, supporting, and helping them find hope again.

Naomi’s courage in sharing her story, and Padre Mark’s insight into the hidden struggles of military families, remind us that remembrance is about both sacrifice and survival, honour and healing.

If you have been bereaved through military service, please know that help is available and hope is real. With the right support, grief can lead not only to survival, but to growth, connection, and renewed purpose.

Visit our bereavement services page to find the support for bereaved military families that’s right for you.

Latest Articles

Overview: From wills and finances to digital assets and dependants, Subject Matter Expert Matthew Hutton provides practical guidance to organise your affairs, protect loved ones, and leave a thoughtful legacy.

Getting Your Affairs in Order

It has always seemed extraordinary to me that, while we plan carefully for so many aspects of life - where to live, work, marriage, pastimes - we often fail to prepare for the one certainty: our death. The experiences of two widowed friends encouraged me to put pen to paper, and in December 2022 I published a book to help others think about this vital subject. My professional background as a Private Client Tax and Trusts Adviser, alongside more recent pastoral experience as an Anglican Priest, seemed to equip me well for the task.

So here are my Ten Top Tips:

1. Relationships – the Key Issue

None of us knows when, or in what circumstances, our final day will come. What matters above all is that our relationships are as good as they can be, with no unfinished business. It is all too easy for things left unsaid or undone to become a source of regret. Forgiveness - given or received - can be a powerful gift.

It also helps to leave a list of who should be notified on your death, with contact details and the order in which they should be told—family, friends, advisers, or colleagues.

2. Lasting Powers of Attorney (LPAs)

While we hope never to lose mental capacity, it is important to prepare in case we do. Attorneys can be appointed to make decisions on our behalf about both Property & Financial Affairs and Health & Welfare. Choose people you trust absolutely. Once registered with the Office of the Public Guardian for a modest fee, the documents can be stored safely - one hopes never to be used.

3. Dependants

Think about your responsibilities for children, elderly relatives, or even pets. Especially if you are the second of a couple to die, who will care for them? For children, this involves appointing guardians in your Will, making financial provision, and having conversations about how you would like them brought up.

4. Death Certificates

A death must be registered within five days after confirmation of the cause of death by the medical examiner in England, Wales and Northern Ireland, or within eight days in Scotland. Recent changes have made the process more complex. Making a list of the required information, including the whereabouts of various certificates, can save huge distress at the time.

The medical examiner will have sent to the Registrar the medical certificate of the cause of death.  And you will need the following information for the person who died:

• full name, including any previous names – such as birth name

• date and place of birth

• last address

• occupation

• full name, date of birth, occupation and National Insurance number of their surviving/late spouse or civil partner if they were married or in a civil partnership

• whether they were in receipt of a Government pension or any other benefits.

If available, you should also take their:

• birth certificate

• marriage or civil partnership certificate

• National Insurance number

• NHS medical card

• proof of address, such as a utility bill

• Council tax bill

• driving licence

• passport.

Also bring a document showing your name and address, such as a utility bill, as proof of your identity.

5. Wills

Nearly three in five adults in England and Wales have no Will. Dying without one means your estate is distributed under the Intestacy Rules, which may not reflect your wishes. How much better to make a Will and keep it up to date.

Your choice of Executors is key, as they will manage your estate.   Professional advisers will charge fees for this so appropriate family members or close friends may prove the best choice here: advance conversations are essential. You may leave the residue outright, or perhaps in trust, and include gifts of money or possessions. Executors are also given a range of administrative powers. Letters of Wishes can be helpful for guidance.

Writing a Will?

It may be one of the most important documents you ever create — it won’t make a family, but it can break one.

Our Free Will Service with Octopus Legacy offers a trusted, simple way to write your Will - ensuring you care for your family and friends practically and emotionally as well as financially - while also helping thousands of others.

Start your Free Will here

6. Funeral Arrangements

Families often appreciate knowing the deceased’s wishes. Would you like a burial or cremation? A religious service, and who should lead it? Should there be a gathering afterwards? The costs are deductible for Inheritance Tax.  The more detail you can leave in a Letter of Wishes, the better, including permission for your family to do things differently if they need to.

7. Digital Assets

Managing passwords across multiple devices is hard enough when we are alive; it is even harder for those left behind. Leave a secure list or use a password manager and consider appointing someone to hold access. Some social media platforms now allow you to nominate a “legacy contact.”

8. Finances

It may take up to a year for Executors to obtain Probate, until then all assets are effectively frozen. Will a surviving spouse or partner be able to manage in the meantime, with no right to the deceased’s sole bank/building society accounts.  A joint account will enable the survivor to continue to access funds.

Inheritance Tax is another consideration. What might be due in your case – and how will it be paid? Could lifetime gifts reduce liability, while still safeguarding your own future needs, including possible care costs? It is important to leave a record of lifetime gifts.

9. Responsibilities

If you run a business, hold office in a charity or club, or serve as a trustee, what would happen if you died suddenly? Others may be left uncertain. Better to make clear succession arrangements, with written notes to guide those who take over.

10. List of Possessions

Executors will find things easier if you leave a clear list of what you own, where to find it, and how to access your possessions.  This includes things in the home. Such a record helps ensure that nothing is overlooked, and that your property remains insured after death.

Conclusion

Much more could be said, but these ten points may be a valuable start. Putting your affairs in order can ease the burden for loved ones at a difficult time and may prove one of the most thoughtful gifts you can leave behind.

How Your Last Gift – Getting Your Affairs in Order Could Help

My book Your Last Gift is intended to be “concise but comprehensive,” with cartoons and quotations to lighten the subject. It includes two checklists and five downloadable spreadsheets to complete, which can also be purchased in printed, ring-bound form.

The accompanying website provides updates on legal and practical developments. The book is available in hardback, digitally and as an audiobook read by me. For details, see www.yourlastgiftbook.com

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Visit the Project Eileen website.

Overview: Losing a baby is one of the most devastating experiences a person can go through. This article covers how to understand the impact of baby loss and how to help those who have gone through it.

Supporting Those Who Have Experienced Baby Loss

Losing a baby is one of the most devastating experiences a person can go through. Whether through miscarriage, stillbirth, termination, or neonatal death, the impact can be profound and far-reaching. Each year, Baby Loss Awareness Week (October 9th-15th) serves as a reminder that many families face the heartbreaking reality of losing a baby. It also highlights the importance of open conversations and the need for support from friends, family, and the wider community.

For those who have experienced baby loss, the week provides an opportunity to remember and honour their babies. For those looking to support someone grieving the loss of a baby, it is a chance to learn how to offer compassion and practical help in meaningful ways.

Understanding Baby Loss and Its Impact

Grieving the loss of a baby can be a very isolating experience, compounded by the fact that pregnancy loss and infant death are often not openly discussed. Yet statistics show that baby loss is more common than many realise:

• Around 1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage.

• Approximately 2,500 babies are stillborn in the UK every year.

• Thousands more die shortly after birth due to complications or health conditions.

Every baby loss is unique, and so is the way people process grief. Some parents may feel intense sorrow, guilt, or anger, while others may experience numbness or disbelief. Many may also feel disconnected from their usual support networks, particularly if people around them struggle to know how to help or say the wrong things, even with the best intentions. 

Practical Advice for Those Experiencing Baby Loss

If you have experienced the loss of a baby, it’s important to remember that your grief responses are valid. There is no right or wrong way to feel, no matter when or how the loss occurred. Here are some practical steps that may help during this difficult time:

1. Give Yourself Permission to Grieve: It's important to allow yourself to experience and process emotions, whether they involve sadness, anger, confusion, or even moments of relief. Some days may feel better, while others may be overwhelming. The process is not linear, and it doesn’t have a set timeline.

2. Reach Out for Support: You do not have to go through this alone. Many parents find it helpful to connect with others who have experienced similar losses. There are many organisations that offer various forms of support, from local support groups to one-on-one phone and email counselling. Sands is a leading charity in this area, offering dedicated resources and helplines to those grieving the loss of a baby. General grief support can be found by attending The Bereavement Journey® an award-winning series of films and discussion groups. See our database of other services.

3. Mark Your Baby’s Life: Many parents find comfort in commemorating their baby in a way that is meaningful to them. This might involve holding a small memorial service, planting a tree, lighting a candle, or creating a memory box filled with keepsakes, such as ultrasound pictures or items of clothing. Consider reaching out to a local faith community to see if they can help.

4. Lean on Trusted Loved Ones: Let the people close to you know what kind of support you need. Whether it's talking about your baby or simply sitting with someone in silence.  Guide others on how they can best be there for you.

5. Seek Professional Help: For some, the emotions following baby loss can be complex, leading to long-term mental health challenges such as anxiety, depression, or post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Seeking professional counselling or therapy can be a valuable step towards healing. Many organisations, including Sands, can provide referrals to specialist grief counsellors.

6. Don’t forget fathers grieve too.

How to Support Someone Who Has Experienced Baby Loss

If you know someone who has lost a baby, you might feel unsure about how to approach them or offer support. Every person's grief is unique, but there are several ways you can be there for them in a compassionate and sensitive manner:

1. Acknowledge the Loss: One of the most important things you can do is to acknowledge their baby and the grief they are experiencing. Even a simple "I’m so sorry for your loss" can mean a great deal. Avoid using platitudes like "It wasn’t meant to be", "You can try again," or “at least you have other children”, as these can be very hurtful, even if they’re said with good intentions.

2. Listen More Than You Speak: Often, parents who have experienced baby loss just need someone to listen to them. Avoid offering unsolicited advice or trying to "fix" their grief. Instead, let them lead the conversation and provide a safe space for them to express their feelings, no matter how raw or painful.

3. Be There for the Long Haul: Grief doesn’t have a set timeline, and the pain of losing a baby may resurface on significant dates, such as the baby's due date, birthday, or the anniversary of their death. Check in with the bereaved parents regularly, even after the initial shock has passed. Let them know that they and their baby have not been forgotten.

4. Offer Practical Help: Sometimes, the most helpful thing you can do is to take on some of the everyday tasks that may feel overwhelming during a period of intense grief. Offering to cook meals, do household chores, or run errands can provide much-needed relief, even if it seems like a small gesture.

5. Respect Their Wishes: Grieving parents may need time and space to process their emotions, and it’s important to respect their boundaries. If they don’t want to talk or aren’t ready to socialise, let them know that you’re there for them whenever they feel ready.

Finding and Offering Support

Whether you are grieving the loss of a baby or supporting someone who is, there are many support services and resources available to help navigate this difficult time. See our database of bereavement services.

Baby loss is a deeply personal and painful experience, but it’s important to remember that no one has to face it alone. Whether you have lost a baby yourself or are supporting someone who has, reaching out for help and showing compassion can make all the difference.  By fostering open conversations and offering practical support, we can ensure that no one feels isolated in their grief.

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Author: Pete English

Overview: When a tragedy strikes a community, the emotional impact is far-reaching and causes traumatic grief. Find our practical tips for how communities can come together in the face of shared sorrow.

Supporting a Community Tragedy

When a tragedy strikes a community, the emotional impact is far-reaching. Grief rarely affects just the immediate family; it ripples outward to touch friends, classmates, teachers, emergency workers, neighbours, and beyond.

Many may wonder: How do we help? What can we do that can support those who are grieving?

While no response can undo the pain of such loss, a compassionate and coordinated effort can bring comfort, promote healing, and remind those most deeply affected that they are not alone.

Below are practical tips for how communities can come together in the face of shared sorrow.

Create Safe, Welcoming Spaces to Recover from Traumatic Grief

In the immediate days following a tragic event, people often feel shocked, disoriented, and emotionally overwhelmed. Having a physical space to go - a community hall, a place of worship, a school room, even a local café, can provide much-needed refuge.

What may help:

• Opening community spaces for quiet reflection, shared silence, or informal conversations.

• Offering tea and a listening ear rather than structured activities.

• Making it known that people are welcome to simply “be,” without needing to explain how they feel.

The presence of others, even in silence, can help individuals feel less isolated in their grief.

Involving Faith and Cultural Communities

Faith leaders and cultural representatives are often at the heart of communal care in times of loss. They can provide spiritual comfort, cultural understanding, and practical assistance.

What may help:

• Hosting services or interfaith gatherings where people of all beliefs can come together in remembrance.

• Coordinating volunteer efforts to prepare meals, help with transport, or support grieving families.

• Offering one-to-one pastoral care or prayer for those who seek it.

People often turn to their spiritual or cultural roots during times of pain. Providing space for that can be deeply healing.

Supporting Children and Young People Through the Grieving Process

Children process grief differently from adults and often benefit from creative or age-appropriate ways to express their feelings. It’s important to recognise their loss, even if they aren’t directly related to the person who has died.

What may help:

• Creating opportunities for children to draw, write, paint, or plant something in memory to help them to process their traumatic grief.

• Making space in schools or youth groups for children to talk about what happened, with gentle guidance.

• Providing consistency and routine, which can be reassuring in the midst of uncertainty.

Even small gestures like writing a message, lighting a candle, or making a card, can give young people a sense of connection and a way to honour their feelings.

Memorials That Offer Comfort and Purpose

Public memorials can be a way for the wider community to acknowledge the depth of the loss and to show solidarity with those who have been bereaved. The key is to approach them with sensitivity and in consultation with those most affected.

What may help:

• Holding candlelit vigils, silent walks, or moments of reflection.

• Planting a memorial tree or dedicating a bench or artwork.

• Creating lasting tributes, such as community gardens, scholarships, or charitable initiatives.

These acts can help create meaning out of grief and provide a focal point for remembrance in the years to come.

Don’t Overlook the Needs of First Responders and Witnesses

Emergency services, drivers and passers by may carry their own emotional burdens after witnessing or responding to a tragedy. Their experiences matter too and can have long-lasting effects if not acknowledged.

What may help:

• Offering peer support circles or confidential counselling for those involved.

• Giving staff and responders time off if needed and checking in with them regularly.

• Showing appreciation through kind words, thank-you notes, or gestures of public gratitude.

Letting these individuals know they are not forgotten can make a significant difference to their ongoing wellbeing.

Avoid Making Assumptions About Traumatic Grief

It’s important to remember that grief is a deeply personal experience. Some may wish to be surrounded by others; some may need solitude. Others may find comfort in religious rituals, while some may not.

What may help:

• Offering support without pressure or expectation.

• Allowing each person to grieve in their own time and way.

• Avoiding phrases like “I know how you feel,” and instead simply saying, “I’m here if you need me.”

Kindness, presence, and patience go a long way.

The Importance of Continuing Support

In the early days after a loss, support often comes readily. But grief continues long after headlines fade. Birthdays, anniversaries, and seasonal events can reawaken pain.

What may help:

• Checking in on bereaved families and individuals in the weeks and months that follow.

• Remembering anniversaries or significant dates with a card, call, or quiet message.

• Continuing to offer practical support like meals, childcare help, or errands - even after some time has passed.

Ongoing, gentle care reminds people that they are not forgotten and that their pain matters.

Closing Comments

When a community experiences a tragedy, it is natural to feel helpless. But even in the face of great sorrow, small, compassionate actions, when done collectively, can begin to mend the fabric of a grieving community.

A community facing tragedy needs people who listen, people who remember, and people who show up - with empathy, patience, and presence.

If you or someone you know is grieving in the aftermath of a tragedy, Ataloss.org directs to bereavement support services across the UK. You’ll also find a growing library of resources to help process grief, whatever the circumstances and whoever has died.

For specific help for the Jewish community please use the main website search.

Latest Articles

• Grief, and how it can affect us.

• How we can positively remember the person who has been lost.

• How saying goodbye is different because of the current crisis.

• Why Christians are still hopeful.

Download the Death, Grief and Hope for Young People guide.

• Grief, and how it can affect us.

• How we can positively remember the person who has been lost.

• How saying goodbye is different because of the current crisis.

• Why Christians are still hopeful.

Download the Death, Grief and Hope for Adults guide.